As 2018 draws to a close, I figured I'd make a few predictions for 2019. Sadly, these aren't all jokes.

• With a flailing administration, Trump will start a war in an attempt to distract from his legal problems and because, for some reason, people like wartime presidents.
• The Republican Party will promote their new slogan: Make love to guns, not people.
• And their other slogan: The emperor has the best clothes.
• With the help of the current administration, Trump's followers will form an official non-profit, filed under religions (cults), where they'll pay no taxes and all of the profits will go to their glorious leader.
• Mitch McConnell will be in a fender bender with Merrick Garland's wife and get his sniveling ass kicked by her.
• Sarah Huckabee Sanders and Stephen Miller will battle it out for least likable person alive.
• Kellyanne Conway will short circuit trying to come up with excuses for Trump's actions, all while being condescending to someone she's accusing of being condescending.
• Don Junior and Eric Trump will wish they'd stayed out of things like their black sheep, hermit of a sister … old what's her name.
• Fox News will come up with newer, more inventive ways of insulating the president from criticism and blaming democrats for everything bad.
• It will dawn on a Trump fan in southern Ohio that, you know what, he'd rather have a good Mexican meal made by someone who doesn't speak English than a crappy one made by someone who does, and that it doesn't really affect him in any way if a gay couple gets married.
• Trump will declare that the money that the shutdown has saved will pay for the wall. (Wait a second, cross that off. He just did it.)
• A national media outlet somewhere will run a story about Melania Trump that doesn't mention what she's wearing.
• Evangelicals will locate a verse in the Bible that will make everything Trump does okay in their eyes. The Gospel according to Trump.
• Trump will be caught on camera saying, "I care about money. I don't care about people," and will "double down" on it when confronted, because that's what strong leaders do.
• Trump will blame the upcoming recession on Democrats being elected.

… and what else?

• Mueller's report will contain evidence of several serious crimes committed by Trump, his family and cohorts, but the Republicans in the Senate will refuse to impeach.
Blog Navigation