What took you so long?

We all knew it was coming. Every time we went to the grocery store and saw jerks without masks. Every time we walked by a bar that was packed inside with no one socially distancing themselves and nobody wearing masks. Every time we watched a Trump super spreader event. Obviously a virus that doesn't care what side of the political spectrum you're on, that doesn't care if you're related, is going to infect the people who don't take precautions. I'm kind of surprised it took so long.

Now he's in the hospital and I'm seeing right wingers suggest that maybe "the libs" infected him through his microphone at the debate. Or that Biden should suspend his campaign to allow Trump some recovery time, as if Trump would have done that for Biden.

Trump dismantled the Pandemic Response Team in China, the one that Obama put there specifically to try to head off this kind of outbreak. He threw out the pandemic playbook Obama left him for how to deal with these things. States were pitted against each other for PPE, driving the prices up. He got rid of scientists who didn't tow the line on his baloney. He downplayed the virus, its dangers and transmissibility. He mocked people wearing masks, and his supporters listened. He held super spreader events with people packed together, very few of them wearing masks.

My only question for the virus is, what took you so long?

Except, yes I can

I cannot believe Trump has turned a global pandemic into a partisan issue.

Except, yes I can.

I cannot believe that Americans who have spent their lives preparing for the apocalypse are whining about wearing a mask.

Except, yes I can.

I cannot believe that science is, once again, being thought of as something one can choose to believe or not believe.

Except, yes I can.

I cannot believe there are people who think that by ignoring a problem, it will go away.

Except, yes I can.

I cannot believe that the Department of Justice has become blatantly political.

Except, yes I can.

I cannot believe that so many people continue to support a president who is so unbelievably obviously a conman.

Except, yes I can.

I cannot believe the president suggested that injecting disinfectants might get rid of the virus a few weeks ago and it's already forgotten.

Except, yes I can.

I cannot believe the media keep falling for his follow-up distractions.

Except, yes I can.

I cannot believe the Republican Party has sunken to defending an above-the-law president, and casting a blind eye to his sycophant pals getting out of jail after being found guilty.

Except, yes I can.

I knew the republicans would find a way to get worse after W., though I couldn't figure out how. They have succeeded beyond their wildest imaginations and the insane minority now rules. Their extremist judges will stain the judiciary for a generation. The current state of the Republican Party needs to be annihilated at the polls in November.

We're not the enemy

Never has a president so blatantly and seethingly loathed the majority of the populace. It's like he's trying to extract revenge upon us. I wonder if he realizes he's supposed to be the president of everyone, and not just the people who like him.

The bootstrap conundrum

At what point did everyone demanding others pull themselves up by their bootstraps and take responsibility in life decide that a man born to obscene wealth, who lives to play the victim card every day, would be their savior?

Hunter Biden, seriously?

If Hunter Biden is such a huge deal, why didn't the republicans investigate him while they had control of the House?

My own conspiracy theory

Okay, I'm not big on conspiracy theories, mainly because they're just that, but I'm starting to formulate my own and, if nothing else, it's entertaining me.

Given that everything Trump does benefits either himself or Putin, and given that Putin is one of the only people on the planet Trump isn't willing to criticize and given that there is only one piece of Kryptonite that would work on Trump's cult of supporters… is it possible Putin has evidence of Trump in bed with a man? It would decimate his carefully crafted image as a ladies' man, his macho persona, and would undoubtedly make a large percentage of his flock turn their heads in disgust. I'm just saying…

A Donald Trump interview

I was able to snag a few minutes with the leader of the free world recently and as such can announce—with pleasure—the continuance of my wildly popular series of Trump interviews. The latest interview follows.

CM: I noticed in June that you enacted tariffs on Mexican goods imported into the country the day after Robert Mueller basically announced that it was congress' job to hold you accountable for your lawlessness. Nice timing, I guess. If we could fast forward to this month… on October 4 the democrats subpoenaed the White House for Ukraine documents, then on Oct. 6, lawyers announced they were representing a second whistleblower with firsthand knowledge of your corruption. Later that same day you announced you were withdrawing troops from Syria. So my question is, did you withdraw the troops to distract the nation from your bad press once again?

DT: I think we can all agree that the fake news media hates me. They hate me because I love America. They hate me because I'm successful. I'm successful and I'm rich. A lot of people don't know that. The dems put us into Syria and I think whistleblowers are unpatriotic. Very unpatriotic. Just like the dems. They all hate Americans. I don't know, that's what people say. Nancy and lying' Chuck and puny Schiff have no idea what it's like to love this country and I think we can all agree on that.

CM: Yes, but you seem to do something completely irresponsible and distracting whenever you're in really hot water, something big enough to draw people's attention away, and to some it might indicate you care more about your own political survival than you do anything else, even if people die.

DT: If people are going to die, let them do it and decrease the surplus population. It's not our responsibility. Joe Biden is the one you should be talking to. Him and his son Hunter. They're the ones killing people.

CM: Well, I suppose, since you brought it up… you say that the Bidens are corrupt, that Hunter is benefitting from his father's position and power. Can I mention something about a pot and a kettle and that your daughter—a handbag designer—has a position in the White House? Not to mention the Trump hotel three blocks from the White House and your idea of hosting the G7 at Trump Doral. Not to mention that your own administration released a transcript of your phone call with the Ukrainian president where you pressured him for an investigation into the Bidens. You know, I could go on for hours, but I guess my question is, do you think you'd be addicted to painkillers if hypocrisy was painful?

DT: Painkillers are for losers, especially the flavored ones. I think they want to kill our children, our beautiful children. The liberal scientists keep coming up with ways to kill our beautiful young people and I think it's horrible. Joe Biden convinced a small percentage of people, a very small percentage, about the liberal hoax called climate change. [Shakes his head and smirks.] Trump Doral is the best place in the country, probably the world I would say, to host the G7. I don't know. That's not me saying it, it's other people, a lot of people. Maybe they're right. What I will say is that this whole impeachment investigation is a sham. It's a betrayal of the American people. They're just sore losers because they lost the election. Hillary Clinton should be in jail. I can't believe they ran her against me. But that's the deep state. They love Hillary. But where is she now? She's not president. How do I know? Because I'm the president of America, the greatest country in the world. She had that whole email thing, and Benghazi! The libs don't want us talking about Benghazi. That's the problem with libs. They hate it when I tell the truth. They can't stand it. Because they know I'm right, but they want to cling on to their power. Which they would have if anyone else had run against Hillary. But the country was lucky enough to have me run. And I won. Huge win! Probably the biggest win in the history of elections, but I don't know. You tell me.

CM: Moving on. It seems that you were exactly right when you said you could shoot someone in the middle of Fifth Avenue and not lose any support, but now that cult-like fanaticism has infected nearly the entire Republican Party, including its leaders. I suspect the only thing that would shake their loyalty would be if there were video of you kissing a man. Based on how blatantly corrupt you are, what do you think this says of the GOP?

DT: The libs can't stand how popular I am. And I am. All of the polls show it. Just come to one of my rallies. It's one big love fest.

CM: Full of lunatics.

DT: And very fine people. Very fine. It's wonderful seeing a crowd of millions wearing MAGA hats. Some of the biggest crowds ever in one stadium. And I don't make a dime off of those hats. Not one dime. They won't tell you that on the fake news.

CM: I'll point out that the term fake news started being used in the 2016 elections to describe actual fake news that shone you in a good light and Hillary Clinton in a bad light. Then you stole the term and bastardized it. But let's forget that for now. Even if there was any reason to actually believe you, the connection between the presidency and Trump businesses—which you still own—benefits you.

DT: We make the best steaks and the best burritos. I love Mexicans!

CM: It's possible Rudy Giuliani will end up serving time. Why is it that three quarters of the people within arms reach of you end up in legal trouble? And is there anyone you won't throw under the bus for one good news cycle?

DT: The libs hate us. They hate success. I think I said that before. Next.

CM: It looks like you're going to be impeached in the House. Do you want to comment on that?

DT: I've decided in my great and unmatched wisdom that America is done taking care of the world and I am announcing a full withdrawal of troops from Brexit. Let's bring them back home!

Will he be removed?

I believe the House will impeach Donald Trump and like a battered wife, the Senate Republicans will come to his defense again and again to save his corrupt butt.

Mueller and tariffs

This entire Mexico tariff debacle—started by Trump—arose one day after Robert Mueller made his public statement about Congress needing to act about the country's lawless president.

Mueller's statement seems all but forgotten one week later. Why does the media continually allow the subject to be completely changed? And why doesn't anyone point out that Trump just wanted to change the subject? He started a tariff scare to change the damned subject.


The republicans seem to be saying that the Mueller Report exonerated Trump, when it did the exact opposite. It basically said if he weren't president, he would have been charged with ten counts of obstruction of justice. And those are separate felonies from the ones he skirted in New York because, as president, he was not indictable, the ones his attorney is in prison for.

And they seem to think that all investigations should now stop. Let's be clear, the democrats got control of the House earlier this year. They haven't had any investigations yet. This hasn't been overdone. It hasn't even been started. The republicans refused to provide any checks and balances on Trump, so voters put the democrats in to do it. Right now, the Trump administration is stonewalling—not investigations that have been done a hundred times—but investigations that are under way for the first time. The democrats are trying to fulfill their constitutional obligation of putting checks on the executive branch, something the republicans failed spectacularly at while holding the reins of the house.

We left Britain partially because we didn't want a king. Some of us still don't want one.

The greatest love of all

I get the impression that some MAGA heads love Trump more than their siblings, more than their parents and children, more than their religion. And some of them, and I never thought I'd say this, even seem to love him as much as their guns.

Is it required by the contracts?

Do you suppose there's a section in the contracts of all Trump subordinates that requires them to either trash Obama or praise Trump every single time they talk to the press. I mean, he only hires sycophants, so who knows, but let's just say you heard it here first when a national story finally uncovers this.

This one will surely bring him down

I'm just going out on a limb here to say, I'll believe it when I see it.

For nearly three years I've read article after article, watched news coverage over and over and over, day after day, week after week, month after month, and I can't recall the number of times the latest scandal might be the one to bring down Trump. And just about every one seems like yes, it could be a career ender for the narcissist-in-chief. It would be for anyone else.

But I'm tired. With the aid of the cult of republicans, this man makes the teflon kid look like he's made of velcro mixed with crazy glue mixed with concrete. America has decided that they're going to give a free pass to the least deserving example of a human being ever to occupy the highest position in the country.

Scandal after scandal, crime after crime, ethical voids followed by reprehensible words and deeds, on and on and on.

I see the White House is now saying no to the democrats' request for security clearance records. It will drag on in the courts, and they'll run out the clock successfully painting the democrats—who are trying to offer the first set of checks and balances on the most corrupt administration possibly ever—as obstructionists.

I'm just deeply, deeply disappointed in my fellow Americans who continue to stand behind the antithesis of all that I ever learned was good.

Boy, Trump looks like he's in trouble this time. I'm on the edge of my seat. Wake me when it's over.


As 2018 draws to a close, I figured I'd make a few predictions for 2019. Sadly, these aren't all jokes.

• With a flailing administration, Trump will start a war in an attempt to distract from his legal problems and because, for some reason, people like wartime presidents.
• The Republican Party will promote their new slogan: Make love to guns, not people.
• And their other slogan: The emperor has the best clothes.
• With the help of the current administration, Trump's followers will form an official non-profit, filed under religions (cults), where they'll pay no taxes and all of the profits will go to their glorious leader.
• Mitch McConnell will be in a fender bender with Merrick Garland's wife and get his sniveling ass kicked by her.
• Sarah Huckabee Sanders and Stephen Miller will battle it out for least likable person alive.
• Kellyanne Conway will short circuit trying to come up with excuses for Trump's actions, all while being condescending to someone she's accusing of being condescending.
• Don Junior and Eric Trump will wish they'd stayed out of things like their black sheep, hermit of a sister … old what's her name.
• Fox News will come up with newer, more inventive ways of insulating the president from criticism and blaming democrats for everything bad.
• It will dawn on a Trump fan in southern Ohio that, you know what, he'd rather have a good Mexican meal made by someone who doesn't speak English than a crappy one made by someone who does, and that it doesn't really affect him in any way if a gay couple gets married.
• Trump will declare that the money that the shutdown has saved will pay for the wall. (Wait a second, cross that off. He just did it.)
• A national media outlet somewhere will run a story about Melania Trump that doesn't mention what she's wearing.
• Evangelicals will locate a verse in the Bible that will make everything Trump does okay in their eyes. The Gospel according to Trump.
• Trump will be caught on camera saying, "I care about money. I don't care about people," and will "double down" on it when confronted, because that's what strong leaders do.
• Trump will blame the upcoming recession on Democrats being elected.

… and what else?

• Mueller's report will contain evidence of several serious crimes committed by Trump, his family and cohorts, but the Republicans in the Senate will refuse to impeach.


Could he ever, just once, take responsibility for something negative? Couldn't he own up to making a mistake or initiating something that ends up having unintended consequences? Maybe, "The kids in cages wasn't what I intended," or "McCain and I didn't get along and that makes me impulsive." Apparently the buck no longer stops here. It stops everywhere but here.

Just a thought . . .

Maybe it's not a deep state conspiracy. Maybe it's not the Mueller witch hunt, the cabal of fake news outlets, the politically motivated scientists, the corrupt FBI, CIA and Department of Justice. Maybe it's not 19 women making up accusations or the broken politicians trying to cling onto their power while Trump is cleaning house of corruption. Maybe it's not the Hollywood elite who want the country to fail or traitorous Harley Davidson or the Mexicans. Maybe it's not federal judges or Obama or the MeToo movement or somebody sitting on their bed that weighs 400 pounds or China. Maybe it's not Canada, France, Germany, NATO or a flipping disloyal attorney. Maybe it's not the DNC or Loretta Lynch or Jeff Sessions or kneeling football players. Maybe it's not every single entity that doesn't kiss Donald Trump's butt.

Maybe it's just Donald Trump.

What motivates Trump?

I've narrowed down Trump's motivations to three key elements:

1. Does it help him? Does it fire up his base? Will it add to his power or wealth, make him look stronger, or provide him bragging rights?
2. Does it hurt Obama's legacy? I am a believer that Trump put Obama at the top of his vendetta list after the former president slagged him during a White House Correspondents' Dinner, and Trump is now out to destroy Obama's legacy. If Obama was for it, Trump will try to obliterate it.
3. Does it help people in his social class? Will it benefit wealthy people and/or business owners?

On Harley Davidsons and Trump's hypocrisy

I see Trump has knocked Harley Davidson for moving some production to Europe after tariffs he instated were going to affect their sales.

Maybe someone needs to remind the public that most of Donald Trump's merchandise is made in other countries.

Stop with the praise

I'm pretty tired of hearing how Trump is a master nickname creator. It's a technique used by sixth grade bullies. Congratulation to the man for being on an intellectual par with 11-year-olds (and not the smart ones). Maybe he's good at it because he's been polishing his technique for 60 years, whereas most people start drawing down their use of name-calling after they graduate middle school. I suppose if he worked on his video game skills and learned how to ride a bike, he could complete the sixth-grade trifecta.

The media also praises him for his ability to "control the conversation." I'd like to point out how ridiculously easy that is when your base thrives off of dog whistles. All he does is change the subject to patriotism, law and order, freedom, the sanctity of life, one man and one woman, the second amendment or any other of a handful of red-meat clichés and his job is done. His cult of followers gets riled and the conversation is apparently controlled.

And while I'm on the subject, the protesting football players were kneeling. That's what you do when praying. On what planet is that discourteous? I can't think of a way they could protest more respectfully.

This is the leader of the free world

These are just a few of the quotes that help define Donald Trump:

• The best taco bowls are made in Trump Tower Grill. I love Hispanics!

• We won with poorly educated. I love the poorly educated.

• I've said that if Ivanka weren't my daughter, perhaps I would be dating her.

• I think apologizing's a great thing, but you have to be wrong. I will absolutely apologize, sometime in the hopefully distant future, if I'm ever wrong.

• You know, it doesn't really matter what they write as long as you've got a young and beautiful piece of ass.

• (On Asians) When these people walk into the room, they don't say, 'Oh hello, how's the weather? It's so beautiful outside. How are the Yankees doing? They're doing wonderful, that's great.' They say, 'We want deal!'

• He's not a war hero. He was a war hero because he was captured. I like people who weren't captured.

• All of the women on The Apprentice flirted with me — consciously or unconsciously. That's to be expected.

• Sorry losers and haters, but my I.Q. is one of the highest, and you all know it! Please don't feel so stupid or insecure, it's not your fault.

• (On Carly Fiorini) Look at that face! Would anyone vote for that? Can you imagine that, the face of our next president?

• I think the only difference between me and the other candidates is that I'm more honest and my women are more beautiful.

• (On a female lawyer taking a break to pump breast milk for her three-month old daughter) You’re disgusting.

• (On Apprentice contestant Brande Roderick) It must be a pretty picture, you dropping to your knees.

• Why are we having all these people from shithole countries come here?

• (On racists and counter-protestors) I think there is blame on both sides. I have no doubt about it, and you don’t have any doubt about it either. … You had some very bad people in that group, but you also had people that were very fine people on both sides.

• You know, I’m automatically attracted to beautiful. I just start kissing them. It’s like a magnet. Just kiss. I don’t even wait. And when you’re a star they let you do it. You can do anything. … Grab them by the pussy. You can do anything.

• When Mexico sends its people, they’re not sending the best. They’re not sending you … they’re sending people that have lots of problems and they’re bringing those problems with us. They’re bringing drugs. They’re bring crime. They’re rapists. And some, I assume, are good people.

• Yeah, she's really something, and what a beauty, that one. If I weren't happily married and, ya know, her father …

• (On Kim Kardashian while pregnant) She’s gotten a little bit large. I would say this, I don’t think you should dress like you weigh 120 pounds.

• A person who is flat-chested is very hard to be a 10.

• (On U.S. District Judge Ganzalo Curiel) He’s a Mexican. We’re building a wall between here and Mexico. The answer is, he is giving us very unfair rulings — rulings that people can’t even believe.

• Look at my African American over here.

• If Hillary Clinton can't satisfy her husband, what makes her think she can satisfy America?

• The concept of global warming was created by and for the Chinese in order to make U.S. manufacturing non-competitive.

• I'm also honored to have the greatest temperament that anybody has.

• (On entering Miss Universe dressing rooms unannounced) I sorta get away with things like that.

• (On Jessica Leeds, who accused him of sexual assault) Believe me, she would not be my first choice, that I can tell you.

• Why can’t we use nuclear weapons?

• You can get that baby out of here. Don’t worry, I think she really believed me that I love having a baby crying while I’m speaking. That’s Ok. People don’t understand. That’s Ok.

• (In response to the Khans, a Gold Star family, whose son died in Iraq in 2004 and who said he had "sacrificed nothing to no one.") I think I've made a lot of sacrifices. I work very, very hard.

• I think I am, actually humble. I think I'm much more humble than you would understand. (Translation: since you're so much less intelligent than me, you couldn't possibly understand how humble I am.)

• (Following the Orlando nightclub massacre) Appreciate the congrats for being right on radical Islamic terrorism, I don't want congrats, I want toughness & vigilance. We must be smart!

• There may be somebody with tomatoes in the audience. If you see somebody getting ready to throw a tomato, knock the crap out of them, would you? Seriously. Okay? Just knock the hell — I promise you, I will pay for the legal fees.

• I could stand in the middle of Fifth Avenue and shoot somebody, and I wouldn't lose any voters, okay? It's, like, incredible. (See my last blog)

• (Praising two audience members who tackled a protestor at one of his rallies) That was so great. Who was the person who did that? Put up your hand, put up your hand. Bring that person up here. I love that.

• (On a condolence call to Myeshia Johnson, a woman whose husband was killed in action in Niger) (He) knew what he signed up for… but when it happens it hurts anyway.

The Beautiful Tremendous Smart Amazing Classy Winning Children of Donald

I was trying to figure out the rationality of people who fall in love with the Trumpster, you know, the ones who see any negative stories about him as a fault on the part of his critics rather than on the man himself, the ones who have accepted the term "fake news" as anything that doesn't coddle the Commander in Chief, or lavish praise on him, rather than "news" that's actually fake, like Pizzagate.

I was drawing a blank until I realized it was a cult. Their leader can do no wrong, despite the overwhelming and abundant evidence to the contrary and the power of the cult can even cause the Children of Don to forgo their actual religious principles. The seven deadly sins? Trump personifies each one of them, and yet they turn a blind eye. The flock can overlook his transgressions so that their Savior, ordained by God Almighty, can apparently free the country of Roe Vs. Wade, or at least piss off some libs in the process.

I know there are others like me, who shake their collective heads multiple times a day at the Bizarro World this country has become, where we actually seem to be living in the novel 1984, and facts can change from day to day or minute to minute with the whim of Big Brother. I watch with horror as appointed officials constantly waste taxpayer money, enrich themselves through their offices, transfer protections from citizens to corporations, ignore science, gloss over their illustrious leader's crazy rantings, defend the indefensible, as the Republican Party transforms into the Energizer Bunny of Immorality and no one with an R before their name is ever … ever held accountable unless they badmouth the boss.

I have no doubt a lot of elected Republicans have just fallen in line because they want to stay in office or perhaps it's the path to getting their policy goals, but it seems the well has run dry on ideas, so what the hell? Like a cult, anyone in the party not rolling over onto his or her (but mostly his) back, licking the Trumpster's boots and professing total fealty to their illustrious leader is thrown under the bus, shunned from the community, never to be elected again.

I guess I've just been blindsided by the sheer numbers of people indoctrinated so easily into the cult. They seem to have gone there willingly. And I've been reading aghast that the "blue wave" expected for November has become more of a trickle.

If the minority of voters who put the least deserving, narcissistic shitbag into the presidency just wanted to drive liberals crazy, then kudos to them. They've done it.

I'm throwing in my vote for a new name for the Republican Party: The Beautiful Tremendous Smart Amazing Classy Winning Children of Donald.


Every week, there are more and more examples of an ethically vacuous right wing. From Laura Ingraham taunting a high school shooting victim for not getting accepted to certain colleges, to Rick Santorum telling them they should learn CPR and stop expecting other people to solve their problems to Scott Pruitt's ever-growing list to Mick Mulvaney.

Mulvaney, the Director of the Office of Management and Budget, was recently quoted trying to entice bribery from bankers, basically saying that if they didn't contribute money, he wouldn't hold a meeting with them. Apparently he doesn't even see bribery as a bad thing.

Hiring the best people. Yep.

Kudos to Charlotte Pence

I have a difficult time coming up with ways to compliment anything even remotely related to the current U.S. administration, but since I'm striving to be a more positive person, I try.

Then along comes Charlotte Pence, daughter of Vice President Mike Pence. Granted, she doesn't actually have anything to do with the administration, but I have to take what I can get. She announced that she had bought a copy of John Oliver's book "Last Week Tonight with John Oliver Presents A Day in the Life of Marlon Bundo." The book, whose star bunny is gay, parodies Charlotte's book, "Marlon Bundo's Day in the Life of the Vice President."

She noted that profits from both books were benefiting worthy causes and they are. Charlotte's raises money for A21, a nonprofit combating human trafficking, and Tracey's Kids, an art therapy program for pediatric cancer patients, whereas John's book is aiding Trevor's Project, a suicide hotline for LGBTQ youth and AIDS United.

Kudos to Charlotte Pence.

Worst week ever?

Trump has been president for about 58 weeks and there are several articles claiming that it was his worst week ever. I'm pretty sure I've read the exact same headlines every week.

How many worst weeks ever can one idiot have before he loses his job?

And it continues . . .

I cannot understand where the line will be drawn for Trump supporters. Is there a bar that is too low for them to go under?

Physically abusing your wives, no problem.
Trying to date teenagers when you're in your 30s. Yep.
Paying a porn star to keep her mouth shut about your affair. Okay.
Convicted of breaking the law and sentenced to jail? How about a pardon and a senate seat?

When will their morals prevail? Apparently they won't.

All hail Trump! Moral black hole, but heil Trump! Savior of the working man, but policymaker of the billionaire, Trump!

I just can't figure it out.

Today's GOP

Where is today's GOP? Forgetting for a minute that they have thrown the concept of checks and balances into the round file, here's where they now stand:

They're trying to pass a law that will essentially place all tips into the boss' hands for redistribution . . . or for stuffing in his or her own pocket.

Joe Arpaio isn't going to jail anymore for breaking the law. He's up for a U.S. Senate seat.

They are willing to throw the FBI and Justice Department under the bus if it will help draw attention away from the Obstructor in Chief.

Grand Old Party, my ass. More like the Good Old Boys' Club.

Let's change Republican red to yellow

Last year, congress passed a law stiffening sanctions on Russia in response to their interference in the U.S. elections of 2016. Five lawmakers voted against the bill, that's five out of both Houses, five out of 535, or less than one percent.

This week, Trump decided maybe he wasn't down with all of that. Despite the fact that he took an oath to "preserve, protect and defend the Constitution of the United States," and subsequently its laws, he figured, eh, screw that.

And how have the republicans responded? Meh, whatevs.

He derided a Gold Star family, as well as a military hero. Well, the republicans can easily turn a blind eye to that.

He has been accused of sexual misconduct by 21 women. (Sound of crickets)

He backed an accused child molester for senate. So sayeth the republican lawmakers: that'd certainly be an improvement over a democrat.

He invited Russian spies into the Oval Office, an honor that almost no American citizens will receive. (Sound of whistling)

He lies without hesitation, profits from the presidency. Hell, here's an incomplete list I compiled. And it's all met with a collective yawn from the right.

It's my understanding that we have three co-equal branches of government. There isn't a king and his subjects. So I propose changing the republican color from red to yellow. It is now, as it has been for the entirety of 2017, party above country. As Mitch McConnell is reported to have said, "[Trump] will sign anything we put in front of him." That seems to be all they care about . . . well that and preventing the base from turning on them by criticizing the emperor with no clothes. Gone are the days of republican values.

Actions that would get a middle school football player thrown off the team are now acceptable for the President of the United States. That's a pretty low bar. But who cares when there are only a handful of team members even willing to call a spade a spade?

2018 Trump plans unearthed


One sentence

Tomes could be written on the problems with the current head of the federal government, but I think it's possible to whittle everything down to one sentence:

Trump has the intelligence of a sixth grader and the Republican Congress is trying their best to divert attention away from it.

A simple question

What is more likely,

a) a conspiracy involving top brass at the FBI, Justice Department, special counsel office, unknown "deep state" players, all but the most right-leaning national media outlets and 128 countries in the United Nations hell-bent on punishing a noble man for trying to help decent, hard working Americans,


b) a self-serving man addicted to praise, whose first instinct is always revenge over empathy, and who bragged about sexually assaulting women is actually a stupid asshole?

Thank you, Alabama

Alabamians, you have boosted my faith in humanity. For weeks leading up to last night's senate election I was flummoxed that there was any doubt about Roy Moore's unfitness for office, his history of flaunting the law aside. I was disheartened that women's voices were being disregarded yet again. But there's hope on the horizon. The women's march after Trump's election was a sounding call.

Why did the women wait 40 years? Because so many people don't believe women or they think some women bring it on themselves. Take it from a man. They don't. Long held beliefs are changing and it's about damned time!

Now let's hope the "man" in the Oval Office is next.

There's too many to recall

Every once in a while I'm reminded of a Trump scandal that I'd completely forgotten, something that on its own would have derailed any other president, senator, congressperson, governor, mayor, city councilor or selectman, sheriff outside of Arizona, police officer, teacher, register of deeds, veterinarian . . . well, pretty much anyone else. So I started to compile a list, only to call it quits after awhile when I saw just how monumental a task putting together a comprehensive list would be.

This is as far as I got:

• In May, after firing James Comey in an attempt to stop the Russia investigation, Trump hosted Russian Foreign Minister Sergei Lavrov and Ambassador Sergey Kislyak in the Oval Office. Oh yeah, and the only photos were from the official Russian News agency.

• In an official government capacity, Kellyanne Conway promoted Ivanka’s fashion line.

• Steve Mnuchin, Ryan Zinke, David Shulkin and Tom Price all had scandals involving their use of taxpayer-funded flights.

• Eric Trump gives his father quarterly updates on the family businesses despite the senior’s assurance he would have no involvement in them.

• Scott Pruitt regularly dines with donors and lobbyists from industries his department regulates.

• Trump benefits from his businesses, even from foreign governments, in violation of the Emoluments Clause of the Constitution, which Trump took an oath to uphold and which the Congress seems to have no desire to enforce.

• Mar-a-Lago doubled its rates after Trump won the election.

• Trump held a national security meeting in a public room full of club members at Mar-a-Lago.

• According to trumpgolfcount.com, since he was inaugurated, the golfer in chief has made 77 visits to Trump golf courses, totaling at least $81,442,095 that taxpayers have paid for. Golfing is a pastime for which he criticized Obama, saying that he'd be too busy to golf if he were elected.

• Texas, Florida and Puerto Rico were devastated by hurricanes this year. While on one of his golf courses, Trump knocked the Mayor of San Juan, who had been sleeping on a cot and had been actively involved in cleanup efforts. Within weeks of the disaster, Trump tweeted that we couldn't aid Puerto Rico forever and gave himself a "10 out of 10" for his response to the hurricane. He made no such comments about Texas or Florida, states that voted for him.

• Jared Kushner used his influence to secure foreign investment in a family-owned business in exchange for help with visas.

• Michael Flynn lobbied on behalf of the Turkish government, but Trump chose him as National Security Adviser anyway.

• Paul Manafort and Rick Gates.

• Longtime Trump lawyer Marc Kasowitz donated or solicited more than $50,000 on behalf of a Manhattan district attorney who later dropped a case against Ivanka Trump and Donald Trump, Jr.

• Sixteen women accused Trump of sexual misconduct after the man bragged about sexually assaulting women on video. Then he said they were all lying and his supporters continue to believe him.

• He said his sexual assault accusers weren’t attractive enough for him to have been interested.

• Trump backed Roy Moore after it was made public that the zealot had made passes at girls as young as 14 when he was in his 30s.

• Trump pardoned Joe Arpaio, who was found guilty of ignoring a court order after his Sheriff tactics were found to be racist.

• Trump said there were good people on both sides of the Nazi Charlottesville incident.

• Trump condemned football players for practicing their constitutional rights, despite pledging to uphold the Constitution.

• There has been essentially nothing done on the Russian interference in our election. In fact, Trump glosses over it as if it were unimportant.

• Trump believes Putin's denial of Russian interference in our election, adding that the oligarch is offended at the suggestion.

• Trump accused Obama of wiretapping him.

• Trump promised cheap healthcare for all, but is willing to sign absolutely anything that comes across his desk, calling every proposed bill the best ever.

• Turns out, the master negotiator isn't all that good at it.

• Top aides have declared Trump an idiot: HR McMaster, Rex Tillerson.

• Remember Sean Spicer's defending of the inauguration crowd sizes?

• Trump apparently requires visual aids in order to comprehend briefings.

• Trump tried to ban an entire religious group from entering the U.S., an unconstitutional move despite, once again, having taken an oath to uphold the document.

• He knocked the participants of the largest march in American history (Women's March).

• He knocked a Gold Star family.

• He mocked Senator John McCain for being captured during the Vietnam War—a war whose draft Trump dodged.

• His charity bought paintings of Trump to put up in his golf courses.

• He still refuses to release his tax returns.

• Trump University is now defunct after multiple lawsuits.

• He brags about being philanthropic, but evidence points to him being more talk than action. Among other stories: He said he donated to a veterans organization, but didn’t until he was caught in the lie; In 1996, Trump attended a ribbon cutting for the Association to Benefit Children and sat with the big sponsors, though he hadn’t donated any money. Trump hasn’t donated to his own charity since 2008.

• He claimed a judge of Mexican heritage was incapable of being fair because Trump had knocked Mexicans.

• He had security throw out a Hispanic reporter from a press conference telling the man to "go back to Univision." Security mocked the reporter.

• He doubled down on the Central Park Five after DNA evidence and a confession by a serial rapist exonerated them.

• He pushed a NATO leader out of the way to be in the front of the pack.

• He threatened to lock up his adversary, Hillary Clinton, and still tries to force the Justice Department to open an investigation, though they don't see grounds to.

• Trump has averaged five lies a day since becoming president.

• He praises authoritarian leaders.

• He jumps all over Muslim terrorist attacks and largely ignores attacks by anyone else, even mass shootings.

• He copied and pasted a condolence tweet for the wrong mass shooting, forgetting to update the information from the previous one.

• He promised to reduce taxes on the middle class and raise them on the rich. The current proposed middle class reductions fade away in a few years, but tax cuts for the rich and corporations are indefinite. But once again, he will sign anything that comes across his desk.

• He alleged that 3-5 million people voted illegally and offered zero evidence. Then he started a commission to look into the charade, which has since been sued by several states and one of its own members.

• He wanted his supporters to volunteer as “poll watchers” on Election Day, a move seen by many as voter intimidation.

• He doesn’t appear to grasp important issues like health care, taxes or foreign diplomacy.

• Despite there being "no Russian collusion," Trump certainly seems to know a lot of people who have a lot to do with Russia.

• Trump Junior admitted he was eager to take information from the Russians in an attempt to hurt the Clinton campaign.

• Trump has been tied to the mafia a number of times over the years.

• Trump demonized Hillary Clinton for her use of a private email server, but ignored his own family’s use of private emails for government business.

• A lot of Trump's merchandise through the years has been made in China and other impoverished countries with poor standards for workers' rights, and the same for Ivanka. Also, Trump golf courses hire illegal immigrants.

• Trump has stiffed contractors.

• Trump and his father settled a lawsuit in which it was alleged they had systematically discriminated against black people.

• All dictators knock the free press.

• Trump thinks global warming is a hoax and pulled us out of the Paris Climate Agreement to appease his supporters.

• He paid no income tax for 30 years. Then, rather than crediting his accountants, claimed that he was a tax genius.

• Here's an example of his complete inability to grasp empathy: He told a grieving military widow that her deceased husband knew what he had signed up for.

. . . I gotta go take a shower.

A sexual assault turning point?

Nothing made me happier back in January than the influx of pussy hats flooding the country (and indeed much of the world), that and the women's marches. I can't imagine what it would have been like to be a woman watching the rise of a sexual assaulter and misogynist to the highest office in the world knowing that we put him in that position with the confirmed knowledge that that's what he was like. And as might have been expected, he pretty well ignored the single largest march (four times larger than the nearest sized march according to Wikipedia) in the history of this country. He did, of course, berate it.

If there's a bright spot to his ascension, I think it's that women are feeling more compelled to call a spade a spade. Hollywood has rightly been thrust into the international spotlight for men being allowed to be assholes without any consequences for far too long and I'm not sure it would have happened without the Trumpster. (But unlike seemingly the entire elected republican clan, we denounce those on our side who cross the line; we don't elect them president.)

Until fairly recently, I hadn't ever forced myself to consider the plight of women or men's attitudes toward them and I surely hadn't ever tried to put myself in their shoes. But events in recent years have made the topic far more important to me and have created an empathy that was sorely lacking before. I've come to believe that our culture, and many, many others across the world are at fault for teaching boys that their job is to be the aggressor, but perhaps more significantly, we have failed to educate them about what it's like to be in other people's shoes.

And how much courage does it take for women to accuse powerful men of wrong doings? At least 16 women have accused Trump of sexual misconduct and the official response from the White House? They're all lying. This is after the entire world has watched video footage of the assaulter in chief bragging about doing exactly what these women are saying. And absolutely the most amazing part is that a pretty high percentage of people believe the women are all lying. WTF? I can't imagine being one of Harvey Weinstein's accusers, or Bill Cosby's, or Kevin Spacey's. I can only hope that some of these people were so outraged by Trump that they said, "No, I'm not standing for this shit anymore. I'm not turning a blind eye to yet another jerk." This isn't about men being men, it's about men getting away with murder for the history of humanity and women finally calling them out on it (or in Spacey's case, boys and men). Bravo!

Is this a turning point for sexual assault victims? I think the road has just barely begun to be traveled. Not only is one of the most clear offenders in charge of everything, but he has stacked the deck against victims for a while to come. Education Secretary Betsy DeVos has put the onus back on the accusers, which will clearly dissuade many women from reporting assaults in the first place. In addition, Trump's cabinet seems to be filled with the definition of "the old boys' club."

And yet I remain optimistic in the long run. I think there's a big enough blowback from people who see the whole situation as I do. The democrats have won the presidential popular vote all but once in the last seven elections (and that was for W.'s second term during a war). I believe that clearly means the country is moving in a progressive direction. Unfortunately, we've had two out of three presidents in a row become president lacking the popular vote and this current one is stacking the judicial branch with hard right-wingers, which will seriously skew the country away from the direction the people apparently are leaning. And don't even get me going on Gerrymandering . . . Call me back in 50 years.

The seven deady sins

Let’s start with the list of seven deadly sins: pride, greed, lust, envy, gluttony, wrath and sloth.

In January I noted that Trump was guilty of six of the deadly sins, giving him the benefit of the doubt that he wasn’t a sloth. I’d like to change my ruling on that.

As of yesterday, Donald Trump had spent 67 days on the golf course since he became president. That’s once every four days. (The Washington Post also notes that the cost to taxpayers for his golf outings has been $70,708,315.) Where was he in the early days of Hurricane Maria’s cleanup in Puerto Rico? He was at Trump National Golf Club in Bedminster, NJ, complaining that the people organizing the cleanup “want everything to be done for them.”

Anyway, Trump averages a quarter of his days on golf courses (the fact that he owns the courses he visits and is financially benefitting from his own visits is a whole other ball of wax). So I’d say I’m safe in adding sloth to his list of traits, confirming him as a perfect embodiment of deadly sin. All verifiable, as opposed to anything that comes from the hole under his nose.

Let’s check.

Pride I don’t know if I even need to go into the list of superlatives he uses to describe himself, but here are some:

I will be the greatest jobs president that God ever created.

I’m really rich! I’ll show you that in a second. And by the way: I’m not even saying that in a brag.

I’m the most militaristic person ever.

I will build a great wall . . . and nobody builds walls better than me, believe me.

I’m really smart – I went to the Wharton School of Finance.

I have a great relationship with the Mexican people. . . . They love me, I love them, and I’ll tell you something, if I get the nomination, I’ll win the Latino vote.

I listen to the people. I get the biggest crowds. I get the biggest standing ovations and I guess you see it in the poll numbers.

I made a lot of money doing everything I did. I made a lot of money with The Apprentice. I made a lot of money in real estate. I made a lot of money with everything I did. I’ve had great success.

If you look at
Businessweek Magazine, they did a story on the ten things that China most wants. One of the 10 things – anything Trump. Anything Trump!

Obviously the list goes on and on and on, but I’ll leave it there.

Greed Um . . . I don’t have to waste my time proving all of these things, do I?

Lust See “Greed”

Envy I could point out that Hillary Clinton won the popular vote and Trump started a bogus voter fraud commission to try to discredit the fact, but I’ll also add that there are indeed people Trump envies, generally for wielding unquestioned authority.

He admires Putin: “I’ve already said, he is really very much of a leader.”

Philippines leader Rodrigo Duterte: (who brags about personally executing criminals) is “fighting very hard to rid [his] country of drugs.”

Kim Jong Un: “At a very young age, he was able to assume power. A lot of people, I'm sure, tried to take that power away, whether it was his uncle or anybody else. And he was able to do it. So obviously, he's a pretty smart cookie.

Gluttony A lot of fat 71-year olds enjoy KFC, but the man also eats his steak with ketchup.

Wrath Not many people hold a grudge like the current U.S. leader and his list of enemies includes anyone who has dared to criticize him. He tweeted a quote from Alfred Hitchcock, “Revenge is sweet and not fattening.” I’ll just rattle off a few names: John McCain, Alicia Machado, Rosie O’Donnell, Khizr and Ghazala Khan, Megyn Kelly, Mika Brzezinski and Hillary Clinton.

And sloth makes it a wrap. I give you Donald Trump, leader of the free world and the antithesis of Christianity.

Who's next?

I’ve been racking my brains trying to figure out where the Republicans can go from here. Let’s look at their past few presidential offerings:

George H. W. Bush

Experienced, intelligent. Meh.

George W. Bush

Somewhat experienced, quite incompetent, familiar with the concept of empathy, but usually avoids it and can’t spell it.

Donald J. Trump
Self-loving Trump

No experience. completely incompetent, won’t even feign empathy, but with extreme narcissism thrown in to boot.


So based upon the downward spiral through the decades, I ran through some possibilities for the next Republican presidential nominee.

Montgomery Burns
Monty Burns

Pros: rich, conniving, evil, no empathy, employs nincompoops. Cons: prepared for unforeseen eventualities.

Decision: put him on the short list.

Gordon Gecko
Gordon Gecko

Pros: rich, conniving, self-serving, no empathy. Cons: intelligent.

Decision: pass.

Willy Wonka
Willy Wonka

Pros: rich, insane, tortures children, successful businessman, flouts OSHA regulations. Cons: teaches inspiring life lessons, gave business away to a kid, breaks into song.

Decision: pass.


Pros: evil, vengeful. Cons: woman.

Decision: pass.


Pros: idiot, almost Russian. Cons: happy, not American.

Decision: pass.

Judge Elihu Smails
The judge

Pros: rich, narcissistic, racist, sexist, classist, golfer. Cons: doesn’t win.

Decision: pass.

Jar Jar Binks
Jar Jar

Pros: universally despised, idiot. Cons: doesn’t seem to be white.

Decision: pass.

Ron Burgundy
Ron Burgundy

Pros: narcissist, idiot, white, male, TV star, sexist. Cons: journalist.

Decision: short list after corroborating experience with Breitbart and/or Fox.

Inspector Jacques Clouseau
Inspector Clouseau

Pros: law and order. Cons: French.

Decision: pass.

White Goodman

Pros: great name, successful businessman, dick, narcissist, berates everyone who is not him. Cons: loses.

Decision: pass.

Cast of villains

Pros: evil, conniving, murderous, driven, snarky laughs, loyal henchmen. Cons, in this order: female, gay?, possible environmentalist and happy.

Decision: pass, pass, pass and pass.

Dark Helmet
Dark helmet

Pros: totalitarian, powerful, evil, idiot, fond of sexual innuendos, surrounded by assholes. Cons: I got nothing.

Decision: Finally, somebody they can work with. Let’s run with this one!

Nothing to worry about

Chris Christie on the beach


Trump Hogg and Ryan P Coltrane

… and so Rosco was selected to chair Boss Hogg’s oversight committee.

Talking with Trump

Though believable, the following is a mock interview:

I recently had the privilege of interviewing Donald Trump, the leader of the free world. His responses, I think, shine a light on his complex mind, his joie de vivre, his nuanced approach to life, and perhaps most importantly, his inclination to always put himself last as he serves a great nation. The following is the transcript:

CM: You really seem to have embraced religion since you announced your candidacy. Can you talk a little about the importance faith has in your life?

DT: Well first let me say, nobody has more faith than I do. I mean, I eat a steak at Trump Tower—the best steak in the world, but that’s just what I’ve heard from other people. I mean I agree, but that’s what other people have told me. A lot of other people. They say ‘Donald.’ They really say Mr. President now, because that’s what I am, but you knew that, ‘How do you make steaks that are perfect? I mean I didn’t know steak could be this delicious.’ And what can I say except that I agree—I eat a Trump steak and what do I do first? I say a prayer. Cause that’s what people of faith do. It’s a beautiful thing. It really is. First you get the steak and then while you’re putting on the ketchup—which is the greatest condiment of all time, believe me—but while I’m putting it on, I’ve already started praying. I mean, let’s be honest. Can I be honest with you for one minute? God is the greatest. I don’t think I have to say any more than that. He is great. Do I think I’m great? I don’t know. Some people say I am. I’ve heard it. I’ve heard it a lot actually. A lot of people tell me I’m great. Who am I to argue, right? But the chapters? They’re great too. You have Genesis and . . . all the rest of them. I mean all of them. I don’t want to focus on Genesis, because there are so many beautiful, tremendous chapters in the bible. Chapter and verse, right? So that’s what I’m thinking before I eat. I want to thank God for giving me the ability to be great and do great things.

CM: Your son, Don Jr., has been catching some heat lately. Do you feel any of the criticism is warranted?

DT: Don, as you know, is my son. I was there when he spoke his first words. Right there in the same city. I was in the same building when his nanny brought him home for the first time. That was some nanny, let me tell you. Fabulous girl, tremendous. Beautiful, beautiful girl. Or wait, was that the other one? I think it was the beautiful one.

CM: What about the emails?

DT: Fabulous emails. That’s probably why I kept her around so long. I mean it’s not like she was all that good at her job. Terrible, really. Mexican, so, you get what you get. But she put it all out there, if you know what I mean. I said, ‘come on honey, you like your salary, don’t you? You like getting paid?’ and the next thing I knew, there were all these tremendous emails.

CM: Are you saying you told your nanny to send you explicit photos in exchange for keeping her job?

DT: Absolutely. She was fabulous. And I don’t say that lightly. I’m very particular. Very particular. As you know.

CM: But what about Don Jr.’s emails?

DT: I stand by my son one hundred percent. One thousand percent. He was transparent. He was honest. He was tremendous. Just tremendous. Eric’s another story.

CM: You’re fine with your son, who was deeply involved in your campaign, willfully accepting help from the Russian government? It’s okay that he had contended that the democrats and mainstream press were making up the whole idea of Russian collusion?

DT: It’s all just routine stuff, you know. The dems did worse, far worse. Selling children in pizza shops? Come on. That’s way worse. Hillary Clinton had emails. What about them? She used a private server, but no one’s talking about that anymore. You don’t think a private server is worse than a witch hunt? Who’s a witch? Hillary Rodham Clinton. They should investigate her. I don’t understand why they always want to investigate winners. I really don’t. Why don’t they investigate the losers? I’ve always said that Don is ultra dependable, a high quality person.

CM: It sounds like you’re describing a refrigerator.

DT: No, Don, my son.

CM: Okay, let’s move on. What historical figure have you learned the most from?

DT: Myself. I’m historical, right? I mean, I’m the President of the United States.

CM: So, you’ve learned a lot from yourself?

DT: I know more about everything than everyone, so who better to learn from? I don’t know, you tell me. You have a guy, a tremendous, powerful, rich—very rich I will say, but you knew that; everybody knows that—But anyway, you have a fabulous guy who knows everything there is to know. Absolutely everything. And you have other people who don’t know anything. They’re just not smart, especially compared to this guy, who is tremendous. Who are you going to learn more from? I know my answer.

CM: Do you have a favorite color?

DT: Easy one. Red, white and blue. Why? Because it’s the greatest color. And gold. Gold is the greatest color too. What I don’t like is yellow. The most failing of all colors. It looks like gold, but it’s not. It’s a cheap knockoff. An imitation. Gold is a winner. Yellow is a loser. Donald Trump is gold. Hillary Clinton is yellow. Is that clear enough for you?

: Have you ever used a microwave?

DT: Are you kidding? Have you seen my hands? A lot of people are saying they’re huge. I don’t know. I think they’re large, but what do I know? Lots of people say they are. I think that should answer your question. Not only would I never have a micro wave, I have a huge wave. Probably the biggest wave ever.

CM: You pulled the United States out of the Paris Climate Agreement. Do you accept the science about global warming?

DT: I don’t care about Paris or their climate. I ran on a pledge to make America great again. That’s all I’m going to say. You know the answer.

More Photoshopping fun

The future of health care?What was really in their heads?Part deux, what was really in their heads?

Fun on a rainy Saturday

Merkel's thoughts on TrumpTrump and Pence switch facesTeton National Park under TrumpA picture is worth a thousand words

Could they stop calling Gorsuch an accomplishment?

Okay, I know that to some people winning is everything. As long as you ended up with the prize, who really cares how you got there? And Neil Gorsuch is definitely a score for the Republicans in that he can ensure that the Supreme Court will lean conservative for quite some time. But I’d hardly refer to it as an accomplishment and I wish the media would stop calling it one. I mean, I could win the Tour de France if there was no one else in it and they changed the rules so that I only needed to ride down the Champs-Élysées (and someone bought me a ticket to France . . . and a bike).

How did it become a big accomplishment to fill a position gifted to you on your first day in office—through an unprecedented theft of a vacancy—by having your team change the rules? They could have stuck an educated, but conservative banana in there and had the same result. Would these republicans teach their kids that it’s better to win by cheating than it is to lose fairly? Because that’s what has happened.

The Democrats have won the popular vote for six of the past seven presidential elections, and the sole win for the Republicans was W’s second term in office, following up on the attacks of 9-11 and during a war (started with the wrong country with cooked up intel). It would seem to indicate that the country as a whole is trending liberal. But with aging liberal and moderate justices and a stolen seat, it’s possible we’ll end up with the most conservative Supreme Court in decades.

How the times have changed. After Scalia died last year, pundits were saying we were going to have the most liberal court in decades. And based on the popular vote, that would seem to be what the people want. But why play by the rules when winning is so much better? Bully for the Republicans. They got the prize. With Trump now as their moral compass, I can’t wait to see what their kids will be willing to overlook.

The classics

Hogwash!I'll get you, my pretty!

The real inspiration?

Ahh, the memories . . .

Yes Sensai!So's your old man!This ain't no peep show!We might need the

Trump discusses history's influential figures

Recently I had the chance to sit down for a short interview with Donald Trump. We focused on the people who helped shape this country and the world in which we live, both the good and the bad — some of history’s most influential individuals. I wanted to see who inspired the man, who repulsed him. I got that. But I got a whole lot more.

The following are his responses:

Albert Einstein: Tremendous. A tremendous man. Very smart. A lot of people don’t know that about him. He spent a lot of time on his smartness and it showed. I think it showed, I really do. I have no doubt that if he was still living he’d have a membership at Mar-a-Lago. Good deal. A very good deal. A very smart deal and I think that’s why he’d like it. Membership there is perhaps one of the greatest deals going and believe me, I know a thing or two about good deals. I think you know that.

Eleanor Roosevelt: Tremendous woman. Great woman. Not that attractive. I’d give her a 2 or 3, but she was old. I don’t know, maybe she was more attractive when she was younger. You gotta give me a break here. I mean why don’t you ask me about Scarlett Johansson. She’s better, I mean maybe a little better. She’s up there. Definitely a 9, might be as high as a 10. And very successful. Very. I like her a lot.

Abraham Lincoln: Fabulous man. One of the best. He was a republican. A lot of people don’t know that, but he was. The crooked media won’t tell you that, but I will. He had a great hat and a great beard. Great beard. Do I like beards? Not so much. I think they make you look shifty, but that was another time. You have to understand that. Back then a lot of men wore beards. They just did. And everyone wore a hat. Are you kidding me? Everyone. The women, the children. So for him to have been walking around without a hat. Do I think he would have been elected without one? I don’t know, but I don’t think so. I mean back then it was a sign of success. You know, the men had hats and beards. It was a crazy time.

Adolf Hitler: Very strong leader. Very strong. A lot of people don’t know that about him, but he didn’t let people tell him what to do. I think strong leaders are just that. They’re strong and they’re leaders. When I was running the Trump organization, which of course I’m not any more, but when I was I told it like it was. That’s just the way I am. And those people that know me, they’d agree. I think they’d agree, I really do. If you asked, “Was Donald Trump a strong leader?” They’d say, “Yes.” “Did he make his businesses successful?” “Yes, he did.” Because that’s what strong leaders do.

John F. Kennedy: I liked him, I really did. I liked him a lot. Of course his life was cut short, way too short. A lot of people don’t know that, but he could have been so great if they’d only given him a chance. It was the government, you know. It was the government. Make no mistake. They had the man there in the grassy knoll. Bad man, very bad. The worst kind of man. The kind we shouldn’t have been allowing into this country, but of course he worked for the government. Corrupt. Very corrupt. Incredibly corrupt. I can’t believe. I still can’t believe it. But there he was on the grassy knoll. You’re going to see some interesting things coming out about this in the next couple weeks. I won’t tell you how I know, but Fox News did a special segment on it and it was very good. They’re one of the only news outlets out there telling it like it is.

Vladimir Putin: Who?

Rosa Parks: Fabulous place. I love it. I’ve been there many, many times. Do I think the government should have its nose in it? I don’t. I think it’s terrible. To be perfectly honest, which is what I am. I always am, and you know that. Everybody knows that. But to be perfectly honest, I think we could do so much better. Would people like to see a Trump hotel there? I don’t know. I think they would. But we can’t because of the federal government. I mean that’s your land. It’s yours. And we can’t have fabulous places to enjoy on it because of regulations. But I think that’s going to be changing. And if I were to talk to Don and Eric I would tell them to look into maybe setting up there. I don’t talk to them, of course, but if I did, I think it would be very smart to set something up there, I really do. Don and Eric, I can’t give you advice, but set up there.

Martin Luther King, Jr.: A tremendous person. A lot of energy. I’ve been hearing great things about him. Great things. He’s an example of somebody who’s done an amazing job and is being recognized more and more.

Benito Mussolini: Very good. A top notch chef. I visited his restaurant . . . it’s on Fifth Avenue, isn’t it? Italian. Very good. I think we were in talks with him to open a place in Trump Tower, but it didn’t go anywhere. It just didn’t. He’s not that great. Overrated if you ask me. I tried the shrimp scampi and I put it with ketchup, because really, who doesn’t like that? And what did I think? Not so much, you know. I thought, why is this guy so popular? The ketchup was the best thing. And I’m a huge shrimp scampi fan. Huge. But no, it was disappointing. Sad. Total failure.

Nelson Mandela: One of my favorite African-Americans of all time. I love him. I think he just goes to show you can be black and be a very, very good person. A lot of people think you can’t. I don’t know. I read that. I see it all the time, but of course, it’s not true. It’s fake. The crooked media will tell you that he’s a bad man. He’s a very bad man. Oooh! So evil! But, of course, he’s not. He is a patriot. And I will look at you right now and tell you that.

William Shakespeare: He was a writer. A great writer. One of the greatest of all time. I don’t need a writer. But if I did, I could always hire one. I mean that’s the benefit of being rich. If you need someone you just hire them. But of course, I don’t use a writer. I’m not putting someone else’s words between me and the American people. The great American people. All those people that voted for me. I love them. And they love me. I mean, do they? I think so, but it’s mutual. We have the greatest people on the planet and they voted for me in record numbers. Huge, huge numbers. We have a billion people in this country and more than a billion people voted for me. What does that tell me? It tells me we have a problem with people voting in this country that shouldn’t be voting in this country. I mean how do you get more people voting for you than actually exist here? I don’t know. I mean they voted for me, which of course I like, but this is serious. We have to do something about all this fake voting. Maybe not allow people in New Hampshire to vote anymore. I don’t know. But the time for talking is over. It’s time for action. And I’m the only guy that can do it.

Donald Trump continued

Trump: The opinion of this so-called judge, which essentially takes law enforcement away from our country, is ridiculous and will be overturned.

Me: The opinion of this so-called president, who is seeking the white supremacist holy grail — a way to discriminate legally — is ridiculous and will be condemned by anyone with a moral compass.

Trump: When a country is no longer able to say who can, and who cannot, come in & out, especially for reason of safety & security — big trouble!

Me: When the narcissist-in-chief thinks he is the country and is able to say who can, and who cannot, come in and out, based on racism — big trouble!

The “so-called president” is . . .

the schoolyard bully who forces you to hit yourself with your own hand while telling you to stop hitting yourself.

the high schooler driving the BMW who yells “nice car” to the kid driving the Tercel.

the banker who knew the borrower couldn’t afford the mortgage.

the punk who makes fun of the nerds for understanding the assignment.

the knucklehead who applauds when the busboy drops a plate.

the kid who played with cats and firecrackers at the same time.

the man at the restaurant who doesn’t comprehend that there are times you shouldn’t speak at full volume.

the coworker who doesn’t chip in, but still signs the card.

the guy driving a Hummer who refuses to stop for the old couple at the crosswalk.

the shopper who leaves the cart in the middle of a parking space.

the shopper who decides he doesn’t want the meat and leaves it in the cereal aisle.

the kid who “accidentally” knocks your pen off your desk, says “oops, sorry,” then leaves it for you to pick up, and snickers when you do.

the guy who cheats if he thinks no one is looking.

the asshat who weasels in front of you when there isn’t a definitive line.

the man who believes having money is synonymous with having class.

the diner who refuses to meet eyes with the waiter.

the rich kid who has always gotten what he wanted.

the high schooler who asks the girl, “what are you dating that loser for?”

the Cobra Kai sensei on the Karate Kid.

the tosser yapping on his phone during the movie.

the college boy about whom the girls were referring when they said, “men are jerks.”

the banker who forecloses on the old woman for a 14 cent discrepancy.

your date who’s flirting with the waitress.

the bully who gets a smaller kid in a headlock, but throws his hands up in the air and declares, “what?” innocently when the teacher catches him.

the other driver who steals your parking spot.

the kid who coughs the word “ugly” when a certain girl’s name is called during attendance.

Donald Trump

Future blogs won’t rise to the level of negativity as this one; I’m trying to be more positive. But I can’t think of anything that has ever bothered me as much as the election of Donald Trump, and with his first days at the helm, there isn’t a better time to let loose.

We made a YUGE mistake. A tremendous, tremendous mistake.

First I’ll say that I know and like people who voted for Donald Trump. I don’t care for them any less because of it, but I am baffled. I dislike Donald Trump more than just about any person on earth. I think he embodies the worst traits in humanity and I have never been more disappointed with my country.

If you don’t agree with me, this isn’t for you. If you’re someone who feels the need to tell me where it’s at, stop being so angry. Your guy won; show a little class. For the record, sore winners are worse than sore losers and until his lawyers threaten me with endless litigation because he’s a big baby who can’t take criticism, this is staying up. If you want to put up a Trump love poem or a seething review of Hillary, get your own website.

His gripes and Twitter rants are so frequent and ridiculous that they’ve become background noise for me, like a kindergartner who cries about 80 things a day. I used to read about each one, perplexed that it was an adult writing it and whining like his favorite toy had been taken away or someone had called him a name. But the entertainment factor has worn off for me. He’s the boy who cried wolf and I don’t pay attention to his self-centered ramblings anymore.

He seems to think that every complicated, lingering problem has a simple solution that everyone just missed. I believe that’s almost never the case. Did it actually run through his mind that the Middle East problems could have been solved long ago if someone had just thought to ask his son-in-law? Did he think, “That kid’s a whiz! And boy is he likable! He’ll have the Israelis and Palestinians getting along like white and my cabinet.”

Did Trump wake at one point from a slumber with the epiphany that all we need to defeat the Islamic State is to get tough with them? Does he actually believe that the best way to help the middle class is to cut taxes for the uber wealthy? Trickle down economics was tried. It resulted in rich people becoming richer. On Jan. 16, Oxfam reported that eight men have as much wealth as half the world. And Trump wants to cut their taxes?

And why do Christians like him? I understand he shares their views on abortion, but is there anything else? I was raised Catholic and there are a few really basic Christian ideas where he falls a little shy: Mark 10:25 — It is easier for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter the kingdom of heaven; Commandment #7 — Thou shalt not commit adultery unless she’s impressed that you’re a celebrity and lets you do whatever you want; Commandment #8 — Thou shalt not steal from investors; Commandment #9 — Thou shalt not bear false witness (except on Twitter); Commandment #10 — Thou shalt not covet your employees; Matthew 21:12 — Jesus entered the temple courts and drove out all who were buying or selling there. He overturned the tables of the money changers and the benches of those selling doves and ridiculous red hats.

The great 18th century theologian Jonathan Edwards said, “We must view humility as one of the most essential things that characterizes true Christianity.” Maybe there’s some different way of looking at humility, but I haven’t noticed one jot of it within 15 feet of Trump except when he was meeting with Obama.

Or we could look at the seven deadly sins: pride, greed, lust, envy, gluttony, wrath and sloth. I’ll concede that Trump isn’t a sloth, but I think he roundly qualifies for the other six. I’m an atheist who is — even with my admitted faults — a better Christian than Trump.

And for the love of all that is holy, could someone buy him a thesaurus? It seems like he’s only memorized two entries: fabulous, tremendous, great, huge, amazing, best, fantastic, winner, incredible; and disgusting, very bad, pathetic, worst, terrible, loser, stupid, and his all time favorite, sad. In fact, I think I just generated one of his sentences.

Also, not everything is the best or worst; almost everything falls somewhere in between. Oh, and avoiding taxes for 18 years doesn’t mean you’re smart; it means you have an accountant. Don’t take the credit when there’s no way on earth you do your own taxes. And stop saying, “believe me.” It’s a clichéd way for a liar to end a statement.

Here are some words and phrases I think best describe Trump. I tried to avoid using too many that meant the same thing, but some might be similar to others.

• Narcissist
• Manipulator
• Demagogue
• Narrow-minded
• Derisive (expressing contempt or ridicule)
• Stubborn
• Dishonest
• Childish
• Boastful
• Superficial
• Vulgar
• Prostofilya (Russian for patsy)
• Misogynist
• Delusionally self-assured
• Intolerant
• Racist
• Xenophobe
• Simple-minded
• Pompous
• Shyster
• Quick-tempered
• Rude
• Unpredictable
• Credit pirate (a term I coined because I couldn’t find one for someone who takes credit when it isn’t warranted or even appropriate)
• Entitled
• Abuser
• Inconsiderate
• Purveyor of cronyism
• Unfit
• Truculent (eager or quick to argue or fight)
• Predator
• Amoral (lacking a moral sense; unconcerned with rightness or wrongness of something)
• Bully
• Ethically-challenged
• Grammatically-challenged
• Unprepared
• Greedy
• Jealous
• Backpfeifengesicht (German word meaning a face that needs its look smacked off it)
• Aggressive
• Elitist
• Dangerous
• Dunning Kruger type (a low-ability individual who suffers from illusory superiority, mistakenly assessing their ability as much higher than it really is)
• Delusional
• Tasteless
• Belligerent
• Con man
• Vindictive
• Ostentatious (given to pretentious and vulgar displays, especially of wealth and luxury, intended to impress or attract notice)
• Callous
• Resentful
• Arrogant
• Blame artist (“If it’s good, I did it; if it’s bad, someone else did”)
• Careless
• Hubristic (excessive pride or self-confidence)
• Cruel
• Deceitful
• Impolite
• Thin-skinned
• Irresponsible
• Jingoistic (extreme patriotism, especially in the form of aggressive or warlike foreign policy)
• Conceited
• Solipsist (someone who displays egoistic self-absorption)
• Inappropriate
• Exploiter
• Materialistic
• Unkind
• Ignorant know-it-all
• Gaslighter (someone who manipulates another psychologically until that person questions his or her own sanity)
• Obsessive
• Liar
• Disputatious (fond of causing heated arguments)
• Vengeful
• Chauvinistic
• Paranoid
• Smugly ignorant
• Sophist (a person who reasons with fallacious arguments, perhaps attacking the other person rather than sticking to the subject)
• Cocky
• Ruthless
• Supercilious (behaving or looking as though one thinks one is superior to others)
• Antagonizer
• Insolent (showing a rude or arrogant lack of respect)
• Selfish
• Undeserving
• Crass
• Overbearing
• Tactless
• Juvenile
• Condescending
• Brash (self-assertive in a rude, noisy or overbearing way)
• Thoughtless
• Black and white thinker (an inability to perceive nuances)
• Impulsive
• Opportunistic
• Foolish
• Impatient
• Untrustworthy
• Self-serving
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